My Journey to Islam and Back
By Rachel
Posted in: Activate
I want to reassure believers that we serve an awesome and merciful God who is still very much in the miracle business! I know this because He worked an incredible miracle in my life. I journeyed from Christianity to Islam and back. Several years ago, I was living the full-blown “Christian” life – on staff at a Christian school, involved in ministry, choir, missions, and youth groups. If the church doors were open, I was there. In my heart, I truly thought I was serving the Lord in the best possible way. However, in 2002, traumatic events suddenly and completely obliterated my apparent foundation.
The foundations I had been relying upon that enabled me to perform in the roles I had been cast as daughter, mother, sister, lay-worker, ministry staff, and even friend, proved to be fallible, even false. Of course, this will always be true, due to the fallen nature of man. I had placed more trust in my leadership than in my relationship with Christ. I had spent so much time being an excellent Martha, I was a poorly neglecting Mary. One day, I simply didn’t recognize my own reflection. I was a stranger unto myself, unsure of any truth to stand upon. Everything I thought I knew or believed was brought into question. In the end, I honestly felt I couldn’t trust anyone around me – not my family, not my friends, not even my pastor.
Afraid to relate to anyone face-to-face, I began to chat online with new people. Oddly enough, I started meeting many Muslims who wanted to be my friend, even though I told them I was a Christian. We would discuss and debate many things. In an effort to challenge how poorly Islam treats women, I started to study the Qur’an. I was surprised to learn there are many scriptures which instruct the care and respect for women (depending on how the Qur’an is interpreted). Now curious, I began to attend women’s classes in the local mosque and began to visit more Muslim chatrooms. Here I met a man from Pakistan who lived in Scotland and would soon become my husband. I flew to Glasgow in the summer of 2003 and took my Shahada (declaration of faith), thus beginning my new life with my Sunni husband.
At first, it was all very exciting – living in an Islamic community, studying my new religion, learning my Arabic prayers, and meeting new friends who generously welcomed me into the group. Desperately wanting to please God, I determined to be the very best Muslim ever. I did everything halal (correctly/permitted). I said my prayers 5 times daily, read the Qur’an, and took classes. In our neighborhood I was referred to as “that holy woman from America.”
But slowly, the more I applied myself, the further away God seemed to be. I started to feel a deep loneliness as tensions mounted between my husband and me. I assumed the solution was in the religion, so I became even more stringent in my practice of Islam. Yet, there seemed to be no answer; just more darkness. Many days were spent just sitting on my prayer rug, losing all track of time, crying and waiting to hear from God.
Looking back, I now realize I had erected the wall of Islam between God and me and I couldn’t reach him on my own terms. John 14:6 states, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” If Islam denies the deity of Christ, there is NO bridge to the Father. What hope did I have of reaching Him? What hope do any Muslims have under the bondage of Islam?
I had reached a place of utter desperation. I had to know the truth. I had to know why I had this feeling God was slipping further and further from me. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong. Was I not a good Muslim?
Meanwhile, unknown to me, my son and his university friends were on their faces in a very spirit-filled prayer meeting crying out to the Lord and praying that He would lift the cloud of delusion Satan had put over the eyes of loved ones.
Soon after that, my husband and I were driving through the country and then the miracle happened. It was as if literal clouds lifted from in front of my eyes, like a fog, from out of my view. Immediately, the thought came into my mind, “You know what is the truth, you know Islam is not the answer.” I have always been a person who is 100% “IN” or I’m not in at all. I never do anything half way. Little by little, discrepancies in Islamic scripture were filling my mind with the clear answer in each case. At that moment, I knew I couldn’t accept Islam 100%, and therefore, could not possibly call myself a Muslim. Unfortunately, due to worsening conditions between my husband and me, I had to secretly arrange to return to America, arriving back in my family’s home within the week
When I was finally able to tell my son what had happened several days later. He said, “Oh my goodness, Mom! You’re not going to believe this. That was exactly what we prayed! That the Lord would lift the clouds from the eyes of our loved ones who had fallen away!!” We both described it the same, it was “clouds” from before the eyes, better known as “scales” falling away.
Since my return to Christ, I have earnestly sought the Lord’s revelation, trying to gain clarity and wisdom from my own experience and the testimonies of others, hoping to discover the “KEY” that unlocks the mystery of winning Muslims to the Lord. Though every believer’s journey to the cross is unique, I have noticed two things are always evident when someone is delivered from the bondage of Islam. One, the person has come to the end of themselves. They truly desire to know the truth, at any cost, often to the point they feel life is not worth living if they can’t find their answers. And second, there is always one or more believers interceding on their behalf, calling upon the Holy Spirit to bring that person into the light.
To defeat Islam, we must sincerely enter the spiritual battlefield. Until we whole-heartedly accept and trust in the Holy Spirit to deliver our lost brothers and sisters, all these other efforts or forms of ministry are in vain – merely treating the symptoms, but never curing the illness.
This time when I came to Christ, I laid my life completely on the altar, to be used as He willed. I’m graciously overwhelmed knowing I am a daughter of the Most High King and I am loved unconditionally. There isn’t anything He wouldn’t do, and hasn’t already done for me. He has called me out and set me on a journey I could not have imagined in my wildest dreams. He has given me an intense burden and love to reach out to the Muslim world I was once a part of. Today, I serve as a team member of Gospel For Muslims, tremendously blessed and passionately challenged to carry the Gospel of Jesus Christ to the Muslims.
Kimberly Idrees
Kimberly is the Administrative Director for Gospel For Muslims.
You can contact Kimberly at kimberly@gospelformuslims.com.